Adventures in anxiety!

I know I haven't talked about it on here before, but I have anxiety. I usually don't talk about it much because I'm always apprehensive that people will pull away from me simply because they don't understand or think that must mean I'm a lunatic. Which has happened, sadly. I know a lot of people see me differently now than they saw me before I started having panic attacks. People are more careful with me, they handle me with care as if I'm a delicate vase they'll get in trouble for breaking. So I rarely talk about it, except in passing ("oh hey, yes, this post is relate-able because I also struggle with that" or "man, I feel ya.. that makes me nervous too"). Never in depth. Unless I'm close to you, but just the same, I'm cautious. So I've decided to talk about it. Not constantly (hell, this entire post won't even be entirely about it), but more. Time to stop feeling like I'm the odd one out, as I know many of you out there struggle with it in varying degrees. And maybe you're afraid too. Maybe you feel like you're not normal and don't fit in. Being different takes a lot more courage than fitting in with the crowd. From here on in, I'll be sharing my stories with you in an effort to be as real as I possibly can be. The real me, 100% of the time. No "don't worry, I'm fine" or "look at these pictures where I'm smiling and life seems so perfect". I'm as imperfect as they come. Let's be entirely real with each other. Let's interact. I want to see some comments. If you're going through something similar, please always feel free to share your story. You can choose to stay in the shallow end or you can choose to swim in the ocean. So let's make some waves, darlings.

Along with my newfound willingness to speak openly about my anxiety, I will occasionally be sharing some things that work for me to help calm the nerves. Tonight it's all about a quiet, safe space. Tonight I am in my bedroom as I type this and I have my candles lit and my incense burning. I have a small space to my right that inhabits my bookshelf, along with a few carefully chosen decorations and practical items. I love my special space. It allows me to find a semblance of tranquility to help me get whatever rest I can grab onto. Here I'll burn strictly frankincense because it calms me. It's actually a natural antidepressant. I'll light my candles and every so often I'll look over and enjoy the dancing flames. I'll usually couple this with music and a relaxing or mind numbing activity. Some of you may be expecting a stereotypical pagan sound like meditation music or throat singing. In actuality, I'll put on Miles Davis and let him melt me into relaxation. I'll read or sometimes, yes shame on me, I'll play a mindless game on my phone (with the backlight turned all the way down, mind you... you won't get any rest from bright lights). This is my quiet place. It's not special to anyone but me.

So tell me.. what is your quiet place? Where do you go when you need to zen immediately? I'd love to hear your story. Thanks for reading mine.

There's lots of things coming up for this quiet little blog. Tomorrow I'll be reviewing a product that I think you're going to love. Here's a hint-- get the water boiling and grab your favorite mug! If there's anything you'd like to see discussed or addressed here, please let me know! I'm always open to suggestions (lawd knows I'm gonna need them after a while when writer's block rears it's stupid face).

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